Ok ya’ll, 2018 has been A YEAR and I have taken a lot of time lately to re-evaluate different aspects of my life, of which one is dating. Let’s recap what my 2018 love life looked like, shall we? Just to put some context to the revelations I have had and what I want to do moving forward.
Moving into 2018 I had a breakup in November, which wasn’t a long relationship but it was a significant one in my life. It should also be noted that it was my 4th relationship in a row, with only having had a couple week breaks in between since my first relationship. I was recently single in November and had a couple of horrible situations with guys who treated me like absolute garbage. I was so desperate for attention, no matter what form it came in, that I allowed myself to be exposed to that. When I look back at that girl, it makes my heart sink. I rang in the New Year heartbroken from past relationships that I never healed from. I told myself I needed to be single, not that I wanted it, which was the total wrong outlook. I ‘deleted’ my apps for the month, then re-downloaded them, spoke to guys but didn’t go on dates, so that was being alone right? As soon as February came around (literally Feb 2nd) I was back on the dating scene. This set the theme for 2018. I felt that I needed to date, that one month of not going on dates meant I was “cleansed”, that I didn’t want to be alone, that meeting the right guy would solve everything else in my life.
Fast forward to the end of the year and let me tell you, I went about it all wrong ladies - surprise, surprise! From my experience and an eventful year I have taken it upon myself to write down the lessons I have learned and the strategies you can use moving into a New Year (so you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did).
Since we ALL know I am a huge fan of lists, let’s get right to it. My personal (and hoping applicable to all you readers who are single) hacks for re-evaluating dating in the New Year.
Quality > Quantity
Simple concept right? Easy to act on?Nope! When you have a fear of running out of time to meet the one (and yes I have that irrational fear being in my late twenties) you think you need to go on a million dates a week and sift through the garbage to find your prince charming. I get that there is some sense to this concept, but as someone who has gone through it, sometimes you won’t even find one decent date sifting through a hundred. When this happens, it is only natural to feel completely frustrated and down on yourself. You start to think there is something wrong with you and you wonder why you put in all this effort to get nothing in return. Thats why we need to not overdo it on the dating scene. If you spend the majority of your time going on dates, wanting that one person you finally connect with and still end up single, you’re going to feel overwhelmed and deflated. Thats why you need to go on fewer dates, with better people. And by better, I mean waiting to meet someone who seems like they are worth your time, that has things in common with you and that you know a bit better. If you are going on fewer dates you have a better chance of meeting someone out and about or actually spending time speaking to someone on an app and understanding if you have things in common.
Be happy being alone.
Corny, cliche, insanely annoying advice right? BUT truer words have never been spoken (or rather, written in this case). There is no one in this entire world that will support you as much as you support yourself. You are your best friend and the one you can count on the most. It is such a shame when people can’t be alone or aren’t comfortable with it. In my opinion, it’s not healthy to be codependent on someone.You need to be able to enjoy your time alone. Embrace being alone while you are, because one day you’ll find the one and wind up living for the moments you get some peace and quiet away from your S.O . If being alone is new to you, try the new things you have been wanting to try like focusing on a passion project, making new friends or growing your current friendships, going on a solo trip, the opportunities are literally endless.
Put time into the right activities + the right people.
This builds on the above statement. The time is now to invest in yourself. You are the one who decides what and who to put energy into. By focusing on the right activities and people you are ensuring that your energy is going to good use and that your heart will feel full and your mind will feel at ease. It is a gift to be passionate and to be able to do things and be with the people who make us happy. So often we get caught up in negative energy, stress and factors that are outside of our control. But we are in control of how we handle those situations and what we do to improve them or move forward. If you’re working long hours and stressed and upset at work, make sure you go to bed early and wake up to work out if your release is fitness. If you have a toxic friendship that isn’t getting better no matter what you do, then end it. If you were like me and constantly prioritizing dating and ended up frustrated and still single, then why invest all that time for a negative outcome? I have realized that time is too precious to waste on things that don’t make us happy, that don’t help us grow and that don’t feed our souls.
Stop worrying and start trusting the universe.
This one hits home with me (well I mean they all do, but this one in specific). It was as if a light bulb went off in my head a few weeks ago. Up until that point, I had been worrying about being alone, worrying that I could be single forever, worrying that I would never find someone. There are no guarantees in life, including finding and staying with that one person. Life happens, and it will continue to happen right in front of you even if you’re sulking and worrying about being alone for your entire life. The universe acts in our favour, not against us, but it is up to us to have that positive outlook and continue having faith that what is meant to be will be. If you have one bad date, or someone rejects you who you are interested in, that is the universe telling you to move on and not waste your time. That person isn’t for you and they’re still out there waiting for the right time to meet you.
Reflect, reflect, reflect.
We all have our own ways of doing things and I am a firm believer that deep down inside we know what's best for us. It is not until we are self-aware though that we can have these discoveries. This article should give you some suggestions that can be applied to everyone in most stages of life, but my number one tip would be to reflect on your own experiences and what you need. Maybe you have done the above tips and never once had a dating app, so maybe this is the year for you to put yourself out there more but also continue to do you! Whatever you decide to do, be true to yourself and know that by investing in yourself now will only allow you to manifest positive energy for your future self.
So cheers to YOU for 2019 - you’re going to kill it!